sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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