butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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