when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
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I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize