You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize