You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
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i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
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I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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