not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
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maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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