Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
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You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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