She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize