Moan for me like Helen Keller
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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