You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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