I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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