Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
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I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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