Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize