i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
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I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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