She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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