I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize