I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
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This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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