my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
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I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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