no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
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this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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