Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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