So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
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My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
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if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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