you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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