is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
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Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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