I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize