There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
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My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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