he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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