So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
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Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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