You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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