She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
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We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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