My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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