Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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