just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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