Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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