Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize