she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
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I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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