just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize