You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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