that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
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lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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