You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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