i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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