No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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