Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
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So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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