I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize