Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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