apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
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She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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