my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize