I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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