He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
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You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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