and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize