I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize