Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize